Nyoron
by flairina
Summary: Moving on from our past helps us grow. Sometimes literally.


My memories aren't fond ones.

It's not that I regret having them. They make me appreciate what I have now even more. They just aren't as pleasant as I wish they were. Being so small... heh, come to think of it, I actually kind of liked being that small. But back then, everyone was always so mean to me... I don't even know if they LIKED me, so much as just tolerated me.

Who am I kidding... I KNOW they didn't like me. Heck, they HATED me. They picked on me so much, but I rarely even realized it. I never once thought their mean words were said in seriousness, or that they were doing such mean things on purpose. They wouldn't even open their eyes to LOOK at me most of the time. Guess I was rather simple minded to not realize back then.

And it wasn't just my friends. It was everyone. I do hope I only dreamt the time the FISH of all things spoke, just to tell me "NO"- surely my world wasn't THAT cruel, right? God, it was as if the world itself was... almost racist towards people like me... like I was.

I've had to hide parts of myself here. I toned down my obsession- I can indulge in my secret passion at lunch, and without constantly talking about it. I DO understand why they got fed up with it- hearing someone obsess over something so small day after day probably gets annoying. I'd never really thought about it in the other world, but hearing Haruhi constantly obsess over finding us in the same manner... wow, I was probably even MORE irritating. What was I thinking?

I haven't bothered hiding my verbal tic- people find it cute here, rather than annoying. I did tone it down a bit by changing to an abbreviated version, and throwing it in the middle of sentences with other random words, so it isn't entirely the same as my old "catchphrase". I probably should just stop using it entirely, it brings back bad memories. But I've used that word almost compulsively since I was a child- even if they hated it, I don't know if I could stop myself from using it now. Good thing no one does, right?

Kyon... I do still wish I had what I did with Kyon back then now. Then again, did we ever really have anything? He was nicer than the others; he even let me stay at his house, but... I guess he didn't really like me that much either. Most of the time he was still mean, if not to the same degree as the others. Maybe he really did like me, and was just "putting on a show" for everyone? No, best to let that line of thought go. I swore I'd let go of Kyon when I came here. He barely knows me, and I should keep it that way. Besides, it could cause problems if Haruhi got angry about it...

Ryoko-san is on my mind more often than I'd expected she would be. Even now it surprises me that she was so different here... even back then I'd known she was an alien robot of sorts, but I never saw the attempt on Kyon's life coming. She always seemed so sweet in the other universe; the idea she might not be the same here never even crossed my mind.

And... she was honestly the only one I could really relate too, come to think of it. As the only other one around with the same... problem, she probably understood what it was like to be treated like I was better than anyone. Not that I ever realized it- I wonder if she did? I wish I'd been a better friend to her, she probably needed the support. If THAT hadn't happened I could have been her friend here... but that chance has long since passed.

Still, even as I look back on my past, I don't regret abandoning my home world. It was never really a home- even if I subconsciously denied the truth, I still realized enough about how unhappy I was to leave. Things are better now. My problem doesn't even exist here. No one is mean to me, and my friends are genuinely nice now. I'm not looked down on. I don't suck at sports. I can reach things. I can be enthusiastic about everything, and no one minds. The world is just _nicer_.

I don't think I'll ever fully get over my past. In fact I don't think I want too. Even if it hurts, it's crucial to my being- I certainly wouldn't be who I am, or even _where_ I am, without it.

I am Tsuruya, the slider. And I think it's time to stop reminiscing.

tTtcCc

AN:

Okay, I watched Nyoron Churuya-san last week after discovering it existed and- my GOD, it is SO mean! I mean, I don't regret watching it, but... it is MEAN!

Then I got into a discussion about Tsuruya possibly being a slider with someone (no spoilers if she actually is or isn't, I'm waiting for the English release of books 9-11), and then the idea that THAT universe is where she left from... yeah, I ignored it for a while but it wouldn't leave. Hope you enjoyed this random idea.


End file.
